You just made me feel so damn special
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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