Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
