Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
