hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
