I am in a vortex of obligation.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
