remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
