Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
