he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize