Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
