i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
