he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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