We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
