Your tits are I can't wait for
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
