Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
