The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hippo gnu deer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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