every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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