Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
