I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize