Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
