Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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