How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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