You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
