My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
