i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
