If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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