I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
