why do cheetos always look like penises
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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