I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
