That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
