My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
