so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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