why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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