i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
