i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
