Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
