He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize