trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
foreskin is a definite game changer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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