My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
