Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
