is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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