He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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