You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
