My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
