The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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