i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
