in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
