we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
