Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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