I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
