walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
