So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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