There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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