In the future we'll all be gay
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
