Its about making memories worth repressing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
