I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
