Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
