Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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