I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
