Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
