One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
