From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
