When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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