Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
