and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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