I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
