Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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