I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
